I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
