I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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