He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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