What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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