fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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