I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
