I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
