I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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