I'm going to jail i love you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
