i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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