did you get engaged???
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
