No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
