hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
