We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fuck appropriateness.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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