i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
