I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
someone threw a dead crab at me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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