he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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