Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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