i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
