please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
