I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
