I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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