I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
