i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My feet surprised me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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