I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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