No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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