Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
These tits shall not be calmed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
