She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
