I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
