Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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