"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize