It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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