i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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