i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
