Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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