my mouth tastes like poor choices
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
