It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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