Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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