atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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