I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
