so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
