capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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