We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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