forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
