Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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