So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
