Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize