from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
