So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Two words: blizzard sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize