Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
