i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
