Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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