I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
