i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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