omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
