what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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