i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
