I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
