I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
