dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
