That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
