i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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