I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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