This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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