she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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