my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Randomize
