I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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