I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
