Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
