There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
