My nipple is on Facebook.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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