That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
