Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
