I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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