cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
