He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Boobs speak an international language.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
