i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did i walk over a car last night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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