4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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