i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
