I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize