We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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