now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
