I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
