My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize