If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ok first of all what the fuck
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
