I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
