Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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