For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
