I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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