OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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